The four gates of speech are difficult to practice in the open because I do not believe anything I have to say is necessary

Follow

@dualhammers
I really don't find the four gates to be that useful or applicable in reality
The intent behind them is what counts imho (strive to make the world a better place than it was before, and minimise harm as you do so)

@dualhammers
To be fair, I'm not a fan of the "don't speak unless your words improve the silence" notion either
Silence is death, life is noise, and in my case the silence is fraught with tinnitus and stray thoughts. I think it's important to respect other people's tranquility, so I try not to bother people, but I feel that small talk is the most human thing we have

@gaeel How do you avoid bothering people? For me this generally means anything I consider superfluous or just an opinion I rarely say even if people could choose to mute me

@dualhammers I'm not sure
I just kind of get a feel for whether or not people are in the mood for a chat
There's no hard and fast rule, just pay attention to body language and how enthusiastic people are about chatting, really...

@dualhammers Oh, in that case it's hard to figure out, I guess
I try not to tag someone more than twice without a reaction on their part to confirm they're still interested, but otherwise the internet allows people to engage and disengage at will, so I don't worry about it too much

@gaeel
I see

I worry a lot, hah. Because I would be very talkative otherwise and I think people wouldn't like what I have to say

@dualhammers If it's just on your feed, I say talk away, it's an active choice to subscribe to someone's feed, and it's a choice that can be revoked at any time

@gaeel @dualhammers Something I've noticed about silence recently is that there are friends who disorient me, who I cannot build or plan with, who never resolve long-standing problems, and there is another kind of friend, with whom I can have protracted conversations spanning weeks, where I remember everything that we ever said to each other.
You can guess which is which.

@faun
My guess is probably wrong because my thought is that you prefer quiet people to talkers?

Curious that you can remain friends with people who can't resolve long standing issues. Do you see friendship as a gradient of intensity?
@gaeel

@dualhammers @gaeel

Some friendships are little more than familiarity, a partially open dialogue, a little bit of understanding. They needn't all be magic.

No, it is the quiet ones. The ones who take it slowly enough for the pieces to fit into place, for the mechanism to properly turn, for the buffers not to overflow. The ones who meditate on every note.

@faun
I wish we had a different word for friends who were as you suggested. It's difficult to tell who to rely on, who shares an idea of what a friend means, etc.
@gaeel

@dualhammers @gaeel I opt instead to have a different word for "intimates".

@faun @dualhammers Maybe it's just the mediterranean part of me, or maybe it's that people get on well with people they're akin to, but in my experience, the loud and hyperactive people have always been those I could count on

@gaeel @dualhammers I wonder if I just have a slow social clock-rate, or something. Different gearing speeds, I cease to function.

@faun

It really depends on the person and the conversation for me. Some types of talk exhaust me immediately
@gaeel

Sign in to participate in the conversation
seeds.void.garden

We grow plants, shining light where none was